Music 2.0 - Exploring Chaos in Digital Music

August 26, 2008

Whole Lotta Music Censorship by Great Britain in China Shock!

Filed under: Music Industry — maths @ 3:36 am

UnWhole Lotta Love

As the flame from the glowing beacon of communism in China was put out on Sunday, the abhorrent censorship practised by the hegemenous Great British empire reared its ugly head even before the Olympics has reached Brown British soil.

As part of the 8-minute segment accorded to The Great Britain’s London Olympics during the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, overzealous and partisan organizers tried their best to present The Great Britain in a more positive light to counter accusations of repression during its continuing 500-year rule over long-suffering lands. The Great Britain, which had for a long time closed up the borders of its empire, which roughly spanned half the known world is attempting to use the Olympics to open up beyond the Hadrian’s Wall. After centuries of laddish-level intellect amongst the serfs and peasants brought about by the debilitating effects of the Agricultural Revolution, the counter-revolutionary Brown Guards effected the Education Revolution starting from 1966 when millions of drunks, druggie peaceniks, football hooligans and tramps were sent to Oxford and Cambridge to be educated aganst their will. 1966 is also celebrated by the party cadre as the birthdate of the Brain of Britain established to propagate education as the opium of the masses.

As a prelude to its coming out party in 2012, The Great British Olympic Ministry pulled off a shock selection in Beijing with suspected Battle of Britain German sympathiser Jimmy Page planted in the role of guitar-playing bus conductor. Page has rarely been seen in public since his anthemic “Whole Lotta Love” was used by protesting students demanding freedom from education during the violent crackdown by the counter-revolutionary Brown Guards at Trafalgar Square in 1979 as part of the so-called “The Wall” riots. The Olympic Ministry (which also acts as the Propaganda Ministry) was intent on making a public spectacle of Page as they neutered “Whole Lotta Love” by first removing an inch, and then a mile by obliterating the entire third verse. To complete the humiliation, Page was paired with Brain of Britain dropout Leona Lewis whose only qualification to sing the song was that she could just about wear the pants on the shortened bit that Percy would otherwise have had to go to great lengths to pull off.

In true fashion, the 3rd verse celebrating the right to procreate or thereof was censored - which the more populous Communist countries like China obviously have greater freedom to enjoy - and human rights observers suspect that this was carried out by the dreaded Great Censor of Britain and government owned station, BBC Radio 1. At the same time, we are still checking slow-motion video replays and search engine cache documents for proof of the state-run organ, the BBC’s Top of the Pops Lip-Synching Department’s involvement in Leona Lewis’performance.

In order to match the splendour of communist China’s magnificent Olympic ceremony, The Great Britain’s Olympic Ministry dumped initial director choice Steven Spielberg at the last minute for his suggestion of the use of a little yellow taxi entrance into the Bird’s Nest stadium. Instead, The Great London Bus being slightly bigger was sent in as a show of strength to impress Rows 1-23 of the North Stand of the Bird’s Nest before it transformed into an 80’s style Rose Parade float. Michael Bay, has already issued an official denial that despite the attempted similarity to his Transformers movie he was absolutely not involved and it is rumoured that he will refrain from any involvement with The Great Britain until Ireland is free. The London segment carried on with sinister Riefenstahl overtones with the use of oppressive umbrellas symbolising the tyranny of the English weather which the all powerful Great British government controls.

Censorship, lip-synching and demonstrations of weather control are just some of the portentous manifestations that The Great Britain exhibited in just an 8-minute segment. How much more oppressive democratic control do we need to experience before we call for a boycott of the London Olympics? London’s cadre representative of The Great Leader of The Great Britain, Boris Johnson ominously promised everyone a “big party” in 2012 as long as they joined the ruling party.

London was awarded the Olympic Games after promises to the IOC that it will allow greater communistic freedom to its citizens which we all ulimately hope will lead to the adoption of communism and freedom of Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Falklands, Gibraltar, St Helena and Ascension Island, Tristan da Cunha, Pitcairn Island, Anguilla, Antarctic Territory, Bermuda, British Indian Ocean Territory, British Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, Montserrat, Pitcairn Islands, South Georgia & South Sandwich Islands, Turks & Caicos Islands, Bradford and other oppressed parts of the empire.

The Great Britain has announced that it will reduce democratic controls and promises greater communist freedom to its citizens by 2012. Ping Pong is indeed coming home!

3 Comments »

  1. Interesting reverse viewpoint. Shows how our media portrays China…

    Comment by Boris — August 26, 2008 @ 9:51 am

  2. It would have been better if the ‘Great British Empire’ were more zealous in their attempts and censored the entire 8 minute blight on an otherwise perfect end to the Olympics.

    Not sure why a country with a long history and a rich culture (highly debatable), would encapsulate all they have to offer in the form of a bus, with occupants that included an aging soccer star, a past prime rock star and possibly the sister of a has been boxer, Lennox Lewis (was it?).

    And what was with the assorted people with the brollies? Was the Olympic Ministry trying to signify that its difficult to catch a bus when it rains in London? And what about the famed gentlemanly behaviour of the British, why were they breaking queue and trying to board the bus through the windows?

    I guess i’m old or a cultural philistine or both!, but i think i prefer censorship

    Comment by NewBlogger — August 27, 2008 @ 7:02 pm

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